Photo-Essays of Death

Though it is nothing she would have wished for, in a relatively short time Nancy Borowick became an expert in photographing death.  Both of her parents had advanced cancer with poor prognoses and she chronicled their lives during their final years and months.

Borowick’s photo essays document a series of progressions toward death, taken by a professional photographer who knew what was coming.  These photos are moving and instructional.

See: A Mother's Illness, a daughter's Duty (NY Times, January 30, 2015) and Side by Side, Battling Cancer and Sending Off the Bride (October 18, 2015)

Photo from the Times Collection

In My Cat's Death, a Human Comfort

by Margo Rabb, NY Times, January 26, 2015

Ms. Rabb’s moving essay addresses a subject that has received press in the past, but she covers it sensitively and well.  It is a keeper.  She begins:

Recently, when I told a friend about my cat’s death from cancer, I found myself saying, “It was such a better experience than when my mom died!” I realized how crazy it sounded — I hadn’t meant to compare their deaths like accommodations on TripAdvisor — but it was true.

Full article
If you want or need a pdf see C2S Blog.

After the diagnosis in the vet’s office, a licensed social worker hugged me. She handed me tissues. We stayed in their office for nearly an hour.

PBS Frontline Program on Gawande's Being Mortal

Karen Gunderscheimer has alerted us to “a PBS (Frontline) MUST-SEE program on BEING MORTAL that features Atul Gawande.  It will be aired on February 10, WGBY, Channel 2 (in Massachusetts)"

Here is the trailer.

Parenting a Dying Child

When we had a child on the way, we said we were expecting. What we expected was a healthy, happy, “normal” baby. When our child was born, we never really stopped expecting. We expected him to crawl, walk, talk, do well in school, get a good job, find a nice spouse, bring us grandchildren, perhaps care for us as we age.

Once we learned my son Lucas’ diagnosis of Menkes syndrome, all those expectations went out the window. It was devastating. But it was also liberating. We had to learn that any disappointment we felt was due to comparing our new reality with our imagined future. It was never hard to see him as the wonderful, shining boy who was full of joy and laughter. What took a bit of work was changing our mindset away from the wonders (or terrors) of the future to the happiness in the here and now.

When we had a child on the way, we said we were expecting. What we expected was a healthy, happy, “normal” baby. When our child was born, we never really stopped expecting. We expected him to crawl, walk, talk, do well in school, get a good job, find a nice spouse, bring us grandchildren, perhaps care for us as we age.

Once we learned my son Lucas’ diagnosis of Menkes syndrome, all those expectations went out the window. It was devastating. But it was also liberating. We had to learn that any disappointment we felt was due to comparing our new reality with our imagined future. It was never hard to see him as the wonderful, shining boy who was full of joy and laughter. What took a bit of work was changing our mindset away from the wonders (or terrors) of the future to the happiness in the here and now.

Dane Wilson has forwarded a link to a blog post, How Parenting a Dying Child Changed All My Expectations by his friend, Daniel DeFabio.

"When we had a child on the way, we said we were expecting. What we expected was a healthy, happy, “normal” baby. When our child was born, we never really stopped expecting. We expected him to crawl, walk, talk, do well in school, get a good job, find a nice spouse, bring us grandchildren, perhaps care for us as we age.

Once we learned my son Lucas’ diagnosis of Menkes syndrome, all those expectations went out the window. It was devastating. But it was also liberating. We had to learn that any disappointment we felt was due to comparing our new reality with our imagined future. It was never hard to see him as the wonderful, shining boy who was full of joy and laughter. What took a bit of work was changing our mindset away from the wonders (or terrors) of the future to the happiness in the here and now."

Am I Dying?

Yu ‘Dolly’ Bai would like to draw your attention to “Am I Dying? An Honest Answer”  a 5 minute TED talk  by  Matthew O’Reilly, a veteran emergency medical technician. In this talk, O’Reilly describes what happens next when a gravely hurt patient asks him: “Am I going to die?”

Donny writes: “In addition to knowing how we want to die - how aggressively we want to pursue treatment, when to switch to hospice care - it may also be important to think about how an actively dying person assesses the value of our her life when time is very short.  O'Reilly speaks about the questions he has heard people ask themselves and him at the end.”

Death Doulas Out From the Shadows

The word doula, Greek for “woman who serves,” is usually associated with those who assist in childbirth. But increasingly, doulas are helping people with leaving the world as well.

Death doulas (aka end-of-life doulas, death midwives or simply companions) appear to have been functioning under the radar for some time.  A recent NYT’s article is a good introduction.  The topic has been explored in other sources, such as the Guardian in May 2014.

“Birth doulas support women and their families through the process of a child being born. And death doulas support people during that other huge event – the one we don't like to talk about. The idea is hardly new, but in the western world, death has become a medical matter, says Hermione Elliott, director of the charity Living Well Dying Well. The organization is pioneering the use of death doulas in the UK. "In other cultures around the globe, and for thousands of years, people have stayed in their homes to die, looked after by their family and local community. We want to see a return to this."

Doulas, Who Usher in New Life, Find Mission in Support for the Dying, NY Times, January 24, 2015

Death doulas: helping people face up to dying, The Guardian, May 4, 2014

Rebecca Green, UK death doula, from the Guardian

The Grim Reaper Stays Fit